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By Sadie Lune Copenhagen, Denmark. July, 2009. The Queer X show had a serious problem: we were almost out of latex gloves. With both aesthetics and sensuality of prime importance to our bevy of artistes erotiques, we kept trying to re-stock more of the sexy black variety, but to no avail. In fact, finding gloves at all, not to mention sexy and black, proved harder than we would have guessed. We went to the fancy sex toy store in the Marais, the gaytown of gay Paris - nada. They didn‘t even understand why our DJ requested glycerin-free lube. (Glycerin is a form of sugar, and sugar is a likely culprit in yeast infections.) In Cologne, we picked up a box from the only Apotheke open on Sunday, but to our dismay it held some of the thickest, stinkiest, yellowest, least pussy-warming gloves we‘d ever seen. In Stockholm I went a little crazy and out of anxious desperation, stole a box of clear vinyl gloves from the cart of the cleaning service in our hostel. Also not hot, but at least we were covered (so to speak) just in case. By the time we got to Denmark, it was for realz. We needed gloves, hot gloves; for the show, for the backstage, for the after show, for the van... we needed gloves. So with a fetching and helpful local as our guide, DJ and I hit the red light district the afternoon before the performance. The S/M store right near our flat never seemed to be open; and the posh, prison themed gay bar next door implausibly didn‘t know anything about it. The beautiful and high-end erotic store downtown, staffed by gorgeous women and full of gorgeous toys, had nothing of the kind; in fact they questioned our “hard-core” tastes. The red light district was lined with sex accessory super-stores, tattoo parlors and street-based prostitutes. Surely, we‘d get our needs met here. On something between a marathon and a scavenger hunt we split up, scouring each side of the street for the prize. Anal beads - check. Giant rubber fist - check. Trashy lingerie - check, check, check. Latex gloves? Ne. Some places recommended the leather/fetish shops, and I kept begging “for fucking, not fashion!” A tattoo shop had a vase full of the same yellow specimens we picked up in Cologne, but the tattoo artist seemed to be going bareback. Finally we arrived at our last hope, the hardcore gay man‘s BDSM and sex shop. Three of us entered, breathless and desperate. The daddy behind the counter was cool and unfazed. - Yes, of course we have them. Right over there. Yes, black, of course. He pointed to a bag hanging low on the wall. Phew. The relief. But there were only 10 pairs and oh, these seem to be XL. DJ looked at her diminutive hands, and mine, by far the biggest and manliest in the group, still looked slight in comparison. But Mr. Sexshop read our dismay and although he assured us they would probably fit, he also helpfully suggested we try one on. Impressed by the quality of service, I gingerly removed a glove from the bag and stretched it over my fingers. My big ol paws were swimming in it, and DJ and Dane shook their heads “no”. We asked for something smaller, and also did he have more? I removed the giant glove and left it the way I learned from the queer Dominatrixes of San Francisco, inside out so you know it‘s used and all the stuff is on the inside; not that it was strictly necessary in this case. He rummaged behind the counter and pulled out a box without a size label. He opened the box from the side, leaving the perforated pull-tab in the middle intact, and proceeded to pick a glove out for me to try. Sir Leather touched every single one of those gloves while trying to pull one out from the center of the bunch. We stared in disbelief and then of course thanked him when he finally handed the extracted glove to me. I tried it. It fit. DJ and Dane shrugged and nodded: that‘ll do. We forked over the 30 euro for our long-sought treasure. And then as we gathered our things to leave, we saw the Master of the toyshop pluck the used XL glove, full of my anxious finger sweat, from the finger-smudged counter and plop it right back in the bag. And then, oh yes, he hung the bag right back on the wall, for sale. Really? Scheisse. After this experience, in which findingone of the simplest tools of safer-sex proved inordinately difficult in several countries; we thought it might be nice to write a simple guide for safer sex from a harm-reduction standpoint. Harm Reduction is a health-care model that gives people as much information as possible about various activities; their inherent risks and consequences, and some steps that can be taken to lessen those risks, and then lets people decide what is realistic for their own lives and act accordingly. This is by no means a complete guide, just some tips to think about and hopefully take to bed. Use the suggestions here to make the choices that work best for you, using some safer sex practice is definitely better than none. For more info I recommend „http://www.scarleteen.com/“www.scarleteen.com, it‘s a sex-ed site in English targeted towards teenagers, but has good straight-forward information for everyone. So voila. Great ways to maintain your sexual health: Use barriers. Non-porous (the one case in sex when no holes is preferable) latex or nitrile barriers, when used properly, are one of the best protections against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) around. Most common barriers are gloves, dental dams and condoms, though non-microwaveable plastic wrap can also be used. Gloves I love gloves because they make me feel like I can fuck/get fucked (by) anyone, anywhere: cleanly, comfortably and without worry. Go on - hands, sex toys. Great for - penetration with fingers or hands, playing with the outsides of pussies and assholes, cutting up for a DIY dental dam for oral sex or rimming, covering vibrators, fisting, cleaning toys. Tips: -Gloves are great because they protect against STIs, and make it smoother on genitals for people with rough hands, dirty fingers, long or messed up nails, etc. Remember like all barriers they only work if you use them right, so put them on before you touch bits (genitals), change them between your partner and yourself, change them between partners, and change them if you were in an ass and want to go in a cunt. Don‘t re-use gloves. Don‘t touch your own bits, mouth or eyes with gloves you‘ve used on someone else, or yourself if you have a herpes outbreak. -Find gloves that fit right, wrinkles make them less comfortable for cunts and asses. -Find gloves that seem sexy so you‘ll have fun using them. Some people like purple nitrile ones (they are thicker, but pretty, and good for people with latex allergies), some like plain thin white ones, some like the black ones... best places to find gloves are: gay sm/sex shops, online, the Apotheke (good luck). -Carry gloves with you, it makes you more likely to use them, and you never know when a hot short-term love affair may pop up. -Even if you don‘t normally wear gloves, it‘s an especially good idea if you have any cuts on your hands. -Gloves help protect against infections transmitted through fluids (like HIV, syphilis and hepatitis), and those that move skin-to-skin like herpes and HPV - the virus that can lead to genital warts and/or cervical cancer. But they only do their job on the area they cover, so you should still be mindful of what you‘re doing with your mouth and bits. Dental Dams/Non-porous Plastic Wrap Go on - top of pussies, assholes, over mouths. Great for - oral sex on cunts, rimming assholes, kissing (if a barrier feels important or for fetish/SM) Tips: -If you can, get the dental dams that are specifically made for sex, they are larger but thinner than those used by dentists. -Before oral play put some lube on the pussy/ass or on the side of the dam that will be on the pussy/ass, it will help the sensation for the recipient of the attention. -Use two hands to hold dams stretched taut and firmly in place. Hold on tight and work those tongue muscles and you tongue pushing on a dam. -Making extra slurpy noises, eye-contact, and holding air in your mouth to get it hot before placing on bits can all help with the feeling of getting head with a barrier. And it never hurts to ask “do you prefer it like this lap-laplap... or like this slurp-slurp-slurp” since things may feel a bit different with a barrier. Condoms Go on - cocks, ‚outies‘, sex toys, fingers/toes, tongues, high heels... etc. Great for - Covering anything that sticks out that you want to stick in. Protecting against fluid-borne STIs and pregnancy. Penetration of mouths, cunts, asses. Quick and easy clean-up of toys and bits. Orgies. Impromptu birthday party decorations. Tips: -Pinch the tip of the condom before you roll it on to get the air out, a trapped air bubble under pressure from fucking or ejaculation can break the condom. -Condoms made of latex or polyurethane (if you or your partner has a latex allergy) are best. Do not use animal skin condoms if you want protection against STIs. The Female Condom is preferred by some people for anal sex as well as vaginal penetration. -Using condoms over dildos and vibrators makes it so easy to safely switch between partners or you and your partner, especially if your toys are not silicone. (You can boil silicone in water for 10 minutes on the stove to disinfect it, other materials can‘t be deep-cleaned.) Also blood, cum and shit are no big deal when you can just throw out the condom. -For covered blowjobs, try Lifestyles ‚Kiss of Mint‘ condoms which are mint flavored and unlubricated- designed specially for the mouth. If the cock in question is flesh/attached, put a little lube in the tip of the condom or on the cock before the condom goes on for better sensation for the blow-ee. -Same as other barriers - change condoms between holes and partners. -Learn to fetishize condoms, condoms mean fucking is coming, so they are good, hot friends. STI testing. Getting tested regularly for Sexually Transmitted Infections will help you stay in-the-know about your sexual health. It‘s super hot to be able to tell a new lover the last time you got tested, what you got tested for, and what your results were- it makes you look so on top of it, makes them relaxed, and helps you both make informed choices about how you want to fuck. While women and other people with cunts who primarily fuck other people with cunts (women/genderqueers/transguys) may have a lower risk of contracting HIV, they are still at risk for STIs such as Hepatitis A, B and C, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Herpes, HPV, and Syphilis. Often people carrying STIs experience no symptoms. If you haven‘t been tested in a while and you have been sexually active, or if you have any symptoms, you may want to get the full monty of tests. The easiest way is to establish a regular system for testing. Decide on a time frame like once a year, every 6 months, or for high-traffic friendly sorts, every 3 months. Then just put it on your calendar and do it that often so it becomes a routine, instead of something you only do when scared. Take a friend with you for a ‚getting tested date‘ - it makes it easier, more fun, less scary, and helps spread the good health habits (plus, ice cream!?). Be Prepared. I like to carry a “little fucking bag” with me at almost all times. It has some gloves, some small packets of water-based lube, a couple of condoms and a dam or two in it. People use safer sex much more frequently if it is handy and available when they feel like having sex. LUBE! Lube can actually help your sexual safety besides making everything more fun. Lube makes less friction, which means less chance for tiny rips or cuts which could be an easy entry for infections in sensitive mucous-membrane areas like the bits, anus or mouth. The best lubes for cunts are either water- or siliconebased, with no glycerin or spermicide. Be careful with silicone-based lube on silicone toys; it will ruin them unless you use a barrier like a condom in between the lube and the toy. Oil-based lubes will ruin latex condoms, gloves and dams, so be careful with them too. Talk about it. I‘m a big fan of conversations and questions and answers and general blah blah about sex and sexual health, in and out of fuck-time. It‘s not only interesting and informational, but having conversations with friends and lovers about safer sex, STIs, and sex in general has been proven to be a great way to increase sexual health and pleasure. Avoid words like “clean” and “dirty” in reference to STIs. It can really affect the way you and other people feel about people who may be carrying an STI, and doesn‘t encourage people to be honest and upfront with information about their status. Words like ‚carrying‘, ‚experiencing‘ or ‚positive/negative results‘ (positive means the tests show mthat the infection is present, negative means there is no infection) are more neutral and don‘t carry a value judgment. Fluid Bonding. Fluid bonding is the practice limiting the sharing of fluids during sex to one other person. (Occasionally committed 3-way relationships are all fluid bonded.) Generally people who are fluid bonded have a committed agreement not to share fluids with anyone else, and have been tested for STIs mtogether; so they are clear on each other‘s status beforem they share fluids. Wash up. Washing hands, toys, and cocks with soap and hot water before sex can make a big difference in avoiding yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, and urinary tract infections. Peeing after sex helps avoid urinary tract infections. Washing bits/ass/mouth and then drying them well after sex can help reduce the risk of spreading skin to skin infections like Herpes and HPV, as well as yeast infections and bacterial infections. Washing hands with soap and hot water after sex can prevent spreading Herpes (and other things) from bits to the mouth or eyes. -It‘s best not to brush your teeth at least half an hour before sex (it can open small sores in the mouth), but gargling with salt water or mouth wash before and after sex is fine. As a pansexual, polyamorous whore I have a pretty broad spectrum of sexual partners, many of whom have their own web of partners; so I feel a lot of responsibility for sexual health and safety of both my community and myself. (Though let me tell you, there‘s still no guarantee that I‘m getting laid). But my personal protocol/guidelines (which I follow completely probably around 90% of the time) is that I use barriers for penetration and oral sex with everyone (clients and lovers of all genders) to whom I‘m not fluid bonded, I wear gloves when I play with cunts and asses, I cover and clean sex toys between partners, I get tested for a full range of STIs every 3 months, and with un-paid lovers I have a conversation either before we fuck or towards the beginning of our relationship about what their history is with STI testing and what kind of safer sex they‘ve been using with their recent/other fucks. It‘s a lot, I know, but it works for me. I‘ve had one STI in my life that I got when I was a teenager and still having riskier sex, but before I ever had sex for money. My hope is not that people do exactly what I do but that people will get good information about risks and options for preventative actions and then make decisions that feel right for them, whatever they are. You figure out what works for you. |